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Im Through [15 Jun 2006|03:18am]
[ mood | Ready to Kill ]


I Swear if you see me, before I see you.
you better FUCKING RUN FOR YOUR life!!! Im not just going to sit back and watch you use people I care about.

this Drama Shit Has gone on long enough.
Your lies and decieving ways are FUCKING THrough.
Im going to Expose you for the Lying Bitch you Are.

your life will be going nowhere after Im done with you.
Your Going to regret the day you decided to cross my Path.
After the dust clears all that will be left of you is a pile of waste.

I thought that maybe if I held on to the good things, that just maybe you would go back to the way you were before.
But as soon as you tried to drop me, I realized it is only a matter of time until feel all the SHIT you put your so called friends through.
I Hope it was ALL FUCKING WORTH IT, because your not going to make it out in one piece!

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[01 Feb 2006|11:26pm]


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venting to the best friends ever [09 Jan 2006|06:56pm]
[ mood | scared ]

I thought I wanted him to come back.
"we are the dirty who kiss and tell.
we are teh shadymotherfuckers who puch(and often cross) the line.
we are the smiling faces behind your fuckups.
we are the scene stealers and heart-fuckers/
we are the "give them an inch they'll take a mile".
we are what you wish you were.
we are what we never wanted to be.
we are prettier and more distant that you'll ever know.
we are the objects of your unrequited love.
we are the little notes with motives.
we are the smiles complete with swear fingers.
we are the dreamers that live and die bye singalongs and fingerpoints.
we are all better six feet under.
we dont take the time to get to know you, you wouldnt understand us anyway.
we are arrogant motherfuckers.
and we are the ones laughing at you
and we are the ones who live by the fuck you
and we kill you in the end."

GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: ok i have a feeling I'll never get to update my journal so im telling you now
SUCH a renegade: Okay
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: my freshman here, This guys named Nathen and I became good friends and he helped me through alot of stuff
SUCH a renegade: Right
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: but at the end of freshman year he moved
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: without saying goodbye or telling me
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: I had THIS HUGH crush on him and he knew it
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: we would have dated if he would have stayed but he moved
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: and today he came back
SUCH a renegade: Oh wow
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: ashley told me in 1st period so I was really excited to see him
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: I didnt get to see him until after school
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: and then He didnt even say hi or give me a hug or even give me a hint that he knew who I was
SUCH a renegade: Oh wow
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: yeah so today was a BIG disapointment for me
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: but what makes it worst is that I was OVER him
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: and now I dont want those feelings for him to come back
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: but their back
SUCH a renegade: Oh man...that's crappy
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: yeah
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: but you nkow what Im not going to talk to him or even pay attention to him
SUCH a renegade: Good!
GoneAwayHHFFTLHF: Im happy and its going to stay that way
SUCH a renegade: GOOD

mine and Lauren's converstaion about my day.

P.S. Ann he's back.

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Oh ..... [05 Jan 2006|08:49pm]
[ mood | headache ]

Lauren has been busy with TSA a lot lately. I kinda feel left out but Im okay with that because TSA is her thing. And I will love those guys no matter what. me or lauren will be flimming them sunday at their practice.

Now that I have letten go, Im afraid I will never find someone. I just want the comfort of someone holding me, someone that loves me.

I never know what to put in this thing anymore because theres so much running through my head and I just cant get them out. HELP ME


P.S. Jeremiah made me cry.

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20 random lyrics, can you guess the band and song title? [29 Dec 2005|01:08pm]
1. ..you didnt forget me I couldnt forget you.....

2. ..on the first of the next month.....

3. ..this place where we live is not where we belong...
*Kody* "Franklin" by Paramore
4. ..and you wont feel the torture of the smile....

5. ..Regret me, don't forget me I want you to remember..

6. ...come spit on brigdes with me....

7. ...exactly where you like me you know...

8. ...I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend...

9. ...high fives and remember the times, Matthew are you fucking blind?...

10. ...Working with such pride, making cash just to survive...

11. ... the pain that breaks my heart each day....

12. ...Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power...

13. ...It's kind of laughable how life tends to spin us out, after beating us down like it did before....

14. ...dancing in the moonlight, you won't hear I'm sorry tonight...

15. ...You'll be waiting for that moment to come
When I know that its you I wanna kiss...(this ones for PMS)

16. ...You lick the hand that feeds you...

17. ...i'll have her finished by five a.m....

18. ...For the last time turn out the lights...

19. ...this is gonna sound like a bad joke....

20. ...I'll be the boy you can't resist
You'll be the tenth girl on my list....
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Something Lauren did. [29 Dec 2005|11:18am]
Top 5 Favorite Songs at the Moment:
1. "If it was my horse, I'd shoot it" by The Sophomore Attempt
2. "HomeWrecker" by Hellogoodbye
3. "This Minute" by Alexis Cone
4. "Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy
5. "Teasing to Please" by Cute Is What We Aim For

Top 5 Movies:
1. The Goonies
2. The Notebook
3. Release The Bats
4. HelloGoodBye DVD
5. All Harry Potter movies

Top 5 6 Bands:
1. Fall Out Boy
2. The Academy Is...
3. The Sophomore attempt
4. Panic! at the Disco
5. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
6. HelloGoodBye

Top 5 Restaraunts:
1. Sho guns(sp)
2. Taco Bell
3. Renna's Pizza
4. my ketchen
5. The one restaraunt in O-Town

Top 5 Hangouts:
1. My house
2. the mall Even Thought me and Lauren have left it in ruins
3. local venues
4. Sean and Andrews house
5. Orlando

Top 5 Websites:
1. www.myspace.com
2. www.livejournal.com
3. www.thesophomoreattempt.com
4. www.falloutboyrock.com
5. www.fueledbyramen.com

Top 5 TV Shows
1.umm...does music videos count

Top 5 People To Reply With This In Their Journal
1. um yeah no one
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Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays..........Yeah ONly with my friends can I have that [24 Dec 2005|12:08am]
[ mood | content ]

People/Things that have changed my life in the year of 05!!!!!!!!

Lauren - You are the best friend I could ever ask for! You understand me so well. You are always there when I call, exspecialy on the the night I needed someone the most, you were there! We are gonna have So many more adventures, with Our new friends. You've made the rest of my life worth living. I love you!

Brandi - OMG I love you!! We've only been friends for a month, but it feels like years! I cant wait for the years to come. To see the person you become and know that Im apart of your life. 143!!!

Alexis - I know you think your not AMAZING but the truth is you REALLY are!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant wait for the moment I turn on my radio and hear your music! You getting up on that stage to play, makes me So happy to know someone I care about is doing something they love.

Nick/Melissa/Josh/Sean/Andrew - I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! Many hangouts in the future!!!!

Sofia/Kenneth - You two are so AMAZING. I loved hanging out with you guys and I cant wait to do it agian and again! I cant wait to get to know you guys better.

Jesse - You started off my year in an amazing way and now we dont even talk. Although Im glad we're over though, I still miss having your arms around me. You were a great guy, just not the one for me.

Alex - I will always love you and I will never forget you. I miss you the most but, I've letten go of my hold on you. Because I know I'll be okay, I'll make it through another day and, I'll find the one to hold onto and, never let go. Like I let go of you.


P.S. If I forgot you IM SORRY.

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Just rambling [15 Dec 2005|01:01am]
[ mood | content ]

I wish I had more things/people to turn to when things go wrong.

HeyChris' book is amazing you should buy it and help the bastard out. Im not kidding.

when I die I want people to know that I accomplished things in my life and that it wasnt just useless.

So many things to look forward to.

We dont have all the time in the world to figure out who we want to be or what we want to be.
I think I Found what I want to be...........A STYLIST.
NO Im for serious about it!!!!!!!
All the things I want to be all into one career. BOOYAH

My self esteem is at an alltime HIGH....Tell me why?


"The sounds of this small town make my ears hurt"
"promise me you'll never let me go"


I miss you the most but, I've letten go of my hold on you. Because I know I'll be okay, I'll make it through another day and, I'll find the one to hold onto and, never let go. Like I let go of you.

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( 2*R) Second Star to the Right [07 Dec 2005|10:43pm]
[ mood | missing you ]

As I walked down the halls of my school, through the mall, and down the street. I see so many people that have the things I miss.

So many things I want back.
I love my life I really do. There are just some things that I would love to have agian. Some people dont understand what they have. How lucky they are to have it.

Everyday I wake up Im thankful to be here, there's just things missing.
I have been giving wonderful things
- some of the BEST friends I could ever ask for
- a family that cares
- people who love me for me
- the ability to hear

OKAY enough EMO crap

This friday night will be one of my worst nights ever. come witness it!!!

But next Friday is going to be AMAZING. ALEXIS CONE at jack rabbits. Come witness this too.. BE THERE OR BE A TRIANGLE!!!


P.S. PLKW111 is a WHORE

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My birthday [03 Dec 2005|12:16pm]
[ mood | excited ]

So as some of you know my birthday was Thursday. I had a horrible day at school. because of cramps and bitches.

But thanks to my Family and some of the best friends I could ask for.
You guys are everything to me and Im happy to still be here with you guys.

monday Night was amazing. I got to meet Brandi and ALEXIS CONE.
B.L.A.C. Forever!!!!! Anyways.. Hellogoodbye is AMAZINGLOVE.. The Rocket Summer is a little too happy but catching(brandi was wrong about the Rocket Summer) David M. was okay( Dead looks at me ... HAWT ).... My GetAway Plam Coast Love ( HAWTTIES )

So yeah watch out for B.L.A.C. Hangouts?


P.S. A special thanks go's out to Alexis for singing Happy birthday to me. It meant a lot

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Just an update [17 Nov 2005|10:22pm]
First off I would like to say happy birthday to Hey Chris.
Now moving on..

A friend on myspace posted this bullenton
"If I died in a few years fighting the war on terror in the army would you cry and miss me or would you ask why did I join the army and have to go and die? please tell me what youu would do?"

I replyed
"I have mixed emotions on this subject. many people I know are over there. And Some have died. If you join the army now it is certain that you would be sent over sea's. I would miss you, but I still would wonder why you joined knowing that you would be sent over sea's."

He replyed
" I also have friends and famliy over seas. and I not joining till I graduate. and why I would join is because I love the army and my country. I was born army, raised army and I will die army (either retired and die to old age or die in the heat of combat) because I am a united states army infatrey personal"

Whatever happens to this person I will be proud. This is how he feels, and I respect him for that. He is proud to be army/military.

I will never support the war on terrorism. I wish support our troops but never the war. Everyday I pray that the troops over sea's will make it home safely. Even though more are dying everyday.

I pray for my heart to stop hurting.
I pray for Pete Wentz.
I pray for FOB.
I pray for every band that tours to make it to the next show and back home again.
I pray for my friends.
I pray for my family.
I pray for me to make it to college.
And I thank god for all he has given me, for the friends he has put in my life and taking away.

If I died tomorrow I would want everyone to know that they made an impact on my life whether they made me laugh or they helped me through my struggle over the last 2 years.

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My weekend [08 Nov 2005|04:38pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

+ hanging out with Lauren
- getting lost on our way to see RJA
+ finding the fairgrounds
+ seeing RJA play
- waiting to interview Elias
+ going to Tally with Lauren and Ellie(sp?)
- parking in Tally
+ seeing William Beckett
- AAR's keyboardest being a douch to Lauren
+ him going to get Chad for us
+ street teaming for The Academy Is...
+ talking/taking pics with Mike From TAI while asking for Chad
- waiting in line to see the show
- not being on the guess list
+ Lauren yelling at the guy
+ he let us in
- after the academy is... played
+/- everyone singing FOB while Rooney set up
+ going around back and hanging out with Mike, Tom, Butcher
+ Mike mad the show
+ Tom feeling sorry about what happen and giving hugs
+ talking and getting hugs from the butcher
+ Tony putting our names on the guess list for orlando
+ not acting like fan girls until we were far away
- me remembering the wrong way back
- the fog
- Ellie not at her house
- Ellie mad long story everything okay now
+ going home
- going home
+ leaving for orlando
+ being on the guess list for HRL
+ seeing sound check
+ Chad in gym shorts
- the band that played before TAI
+ butcher in HOT SHORTS
+ TAI played aFUCKINGmazing set
+ Tom, William, Butcher, Mike, and Adam noticed we were there
+ TOny in girl jeans
+ chad in girl jeans
+ William In girl jeans
- Mike where the same thing the night before
+ Tom in girl jeans
+ Mike in girl jeans
+ the girl Katie beside me at the show
+ the AAR set
- my back hurting like a bitch
-/+ meeting Erik from FBR
- speeding ticket Anyone want to help pay for it?
- not enought sleep

+'s out way the -'s most amazing weekend ever feels like summer all over again


Dirty does say it best " I LOVE MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFE "

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October 29th the last time we'll walk together across a busy street hand in hand [29 Oct 2005|08:29pm]
[ mood | missing you ]

The Distance, This Background bleeds
of ambulance lights as the snow falls
on this cold winters night
the light seems so close to me now
covering and soaking me in red,
they're breath hangs in the air
her hands gently slide from mine leaving me so empty inside,
I'm blinded now and theres nothing I can do
this white light takes up my life
and I can feel my body getting furthere away
leaving this cold ground behind
but again I feel your hand and tears fall on my face
you wont let me go in a grasp so tight
my feet touch the ground and my ghost remains
by your side, looking down on this midnights scene
your hands hold mine and tears roll down your face
turnning to icicles on your cheek.
I'd cry if I could shed a tear form this body
but nothing I did before I can ever do again
I can never hold you, or breath you in
hold your hand as we cross these streets
in the middle of December
I'll walk as if I'm alive hoping to see you catch a glimpse
of your one true love who always walks beside
who stayed behind to make sure you were all right
we walk into the store you grab alll the things
that we used to eat on those cold november nights
locked in the basemnet tight
never letting go you kept me here and here is were I'll stay
you'll turn on the movie again and pretend its all ok
I'll sit down on the floor you'll lay down beside
like we used to do every nite
but this time I'll die again as you try to lay your head on my chest
but you just sink through to the floor
and my heart doesnt beat and I wish I could be free
alive one more night to hold you so tight
as these credits roll I'll take you to the floor
and we'll embrace one last time
hold like we'll never let go,
kiss like we've never kissed before
our lips touch so lightly
and with the strike of midnight
I'll be taken away from you one last time
and today was the last time I'd see you
and tonight was the last time I'd hear you
with my fairy tale wish granted my lifeless body brought back to life
quickly taken away
you'll wake up in a panic think I was there again
like we used be and you'll never rememebr it properly
except as a dream I hope you'll be able to see
that you did this to me
I'll let you go again but this time I'm not coming with,
you've got to move on,
try to meet someone new on ground who can hold you up
who can hold your hand as you cross those busy streets
who will give you comfort in knowing
he'll always be there beside you
I'll always check in because I'll never forget
that night I died in your arms on the road in that light
the brilliant white light comes back to take me away
and this time I'll go knowing that everyhting is ok.

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My thoughts [20 Oct 2005|08:33pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I sit here in class and dream. My life isnt here or atleast to me it isnt. Yes, I've grown up here. Yes, I call it home but, my heart isnt here anymore. I dont feel alive here anymore. Here I feel like one huge mistake. Yes, I have friends here. Yes, I'll miss you but, my pain here is too much for my body to handle. I walk through town and look at the schools I went to, Hours of sitting in class dreaming about getting out. I see the baseball field we would play at after school, I see the trailer we would play hide-n-seek in, the tree we made out under until the street lights came on, your old house. I want to feel alive and Florida has so many memories that cause me pain. I DONT SEE IT HAS RUNNING AWAY, I SEE IT AS TRYING TO LIVE MY FULLEST!!!!


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[16 Oct 2005|03:19pm]
[ mood | determined ]

No one seems to understand WHY I want to go to college in Chicago. Well Im going to try and clean that up.

When I was little visiting my family in IL my Uncle's would always take me to Chicago. To me Chicago was somewhere I always dreamed of living.

So many things has happen to me here that I dont want to be here anymore and Chicago was a place I've always wanted to be. even before FOB!

I plan on following my dreams, and my dreams are leading me to Chicago and Im sorry to the people that dont understand. I want this so much.

Florida is one place that has caused me so much hurt and I just dont want to be here, I feel like its killing me and causing me to not live as much as I would like to. It seems that I am only running away from my problems but the problems Im running away from are dead.

If you guys are really my friends you would try to understand and support me.


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Update [11 Sep 2005|07:14pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Things are going good. summer has ended and im really sad about that had one of the best summers in years. THANK YOU FALL OUT BOY and LAUREN.


- september 27 - Panic! at the disco's Cd comes out
- september 28 - bleed the dream, roses are red, stutterfly at Jack rabbits
- october 20 - report cards
- october 23 - maybe having a party
- october 28 - leaving for tuscon AZ,
- october 29 - 2nd annual dane memorial show *hate to miss it*
- october 30 - returning from AZ
- october 31 - halloween* wanna do something let me know
- november 11 - Matchbook romance, armor for sleep, Gatby's american dream, lovedrug

thats it for now


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FALL OUT BOY [30 Aug 2005|03:55pm]
[ mood | for FOB ]

..._...|..____________________, ,
....../ `---____FOB____----_____|] = = = = =D
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"

You've just been shot by FALL OUT BOY! "I'll Be Your Number One With A Bullet, A Loaded God Complex, Cock It And Pull It!"

Im so proud of my fellow FOB fans!!!!!!!!
Im so happy that they won the MTV2 Award sunday night.

Courtney (Calee)
*lick, lick, salute*

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Finally updating [19 Jul 2005|11:29am]
[ mood | amused ]

Well, Things are going good lately. For a Change. Lauren and I have been Hanging a Lot. Its fun, Im glad I have someone who's there for me agian.

Me and Ann just stop talking I have no Idea why, But I thinks its my fault It almost always is. But enought sad Crap.

Sunday night, Me and Lauren were Talking and she made a point about how both of us try to help others before Ourselfs, which I agree with. she also stated that having the consint reminder of my past keeps me in pain.

I gotta go Wash Dishes, I'll update more later


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Updating [02 Jul 2005|01:47pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Well I have written in here for I while so I thought I would Update. I now have short hair. and I having the best summer.

I hope this summer never ends, its just starting to get real interesting. Me and Lauren have been Hanging out Almost everynight since school let out and its been great.

We decided we're going to 2 warped tours. Jax and Orlando. The problem with that Is that orlando's warped is the day before school. and we wouldnt get back until atleast 10. But Im going no matter what. What a great way to end one of my best summers than with a show. with all bands that I love/like.

But that not for another month but in the meantime we have been going to the mall, the movies, shows. so its all good

Oh yeah before I forget FireFight In Pasadena needs a new screamer/singer so if anyone knows one let me know. PLEASE and THANKYOU
AND VOTE FOR FALL OUT BOY on TRL PLease they deserve number 1.

Love ya guys always

P.S. The REal world Austin Is INSANE!!!!

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update [14 Jun 2005|11:19pm]
[ mood | LOL ]

Okay I have been having one of my best summers. Thanks to Lauren. A week ago we went to Orlando to see FALLOUTBOY play at the hard Rock IT was so totally awesome. one great show. even though it was only a hour. A plus was that I was flat chested in that hour that was great but painful at the same time. We got to meet Dirty and Touch Pete what a great night.

"I LOVE MY LIFE" at the moment.

I am really considering cutting my hair really short.

I have a job working for my grandma mon-tues-thurs-friday I get paid 50$ for that.

Me and lauren are planning on going to Chicago for spring break and then doing something major during the summer when I have my licenise?

In other news I saw Mike Waters for the first time since the summer after 8th grade. Which was weird. I remember what a tough time I was going throught in 8th grade. It was weird but anyways.

Gots tah go to sleep so I can wake up to see FOB makes a video in the morning.

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